"What If's?"

"What if's?"

Today was the third day of taking care of a sick baby. I am amazed at the mothering instincts that kick in when your child is sick. Although my mind tells me it is the flu, the fever is manageable, and the child is well hydrated. My heart worries about the "What if's?" "What if's" are a mothers biggest fear. What should we mothers do when the "What if's" poke their big, ugly, and obtrusive nose into our mental process. I honestly don't have an answer. All I know is my child rearing requires constant prayer and evaluation. I am learning to evaluate everything according to God's word, and my relationship with Him.

Several years ago I went through a period of sleepless nights. Honestly I feel God allowed this time to teach me complete trust in Him. Over a period of several weeks I would find myself suddenly waking up and pondering the worst what if's. What if my loving husband, my best friend died and left me alone. What if something terrible happens to one of my children? I worried and fretted tremendously and endured many sleepless nights.   Night after night I worried, prayed, and cried. I went to each family member and put my hands on them and cried out to Jesus. At the time I was attending a Bible study and we discussed Abraham trusting in God and preparing for Isaac's sacrifice. Bing, Bang, Ba I got it!!! God was teaching me that He is all I need. The exact lesson He taught Abraham, He was lovingly teaching me. I felt God's inquiries spread across my heart. Crystal - If suddenly your husband and children were gone, would you still love and trust in me? Am I enough?  Your husband and children belong to me, you belong to me. Are you willing to relinquish control and place them in my care? The dam of my heart burst open and the tears flowed. I apologized to God and entrusted the lives of my beloved family into His care.

Today I still suffer from "What if's", but I have an endearing peace. The peace that comes from the knowledge that God is in control. The knowledge that if I lost everyone and everything I would still have everything in God my Father.

---- When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,

---- When sorrows like sea billows roll;
---- Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,
---- It is well, it is well, with my soul.

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Goodbye Dinner "FBC Girl's Night"

This is a wonderful group of ladies from First Baptist Church of Weymouth.  I am so thankful for all of these women.  Women who have made a place for my family in their church, live's, and prayer's.

This is a goodbye dinner for me.  It was a wonderful night, to remember friends who have become a part of who I am.  I am a people person and life as a nomad takes it's toll on my self-esteem.  All of these women opened their hearts to us,  knowing we were temporal.  The women at FBC have shown me the character of the Proverb's 31 woman.  Alway loving, kind, willing to help, devoted to prayer, and always seeking to please God.  Girls' although our time was short the friendship's I developed will remain with me forever!  Thank you for being Godly friends!

Loving The Laughter In The Other Room

I sit here with a smile in my heart, and on my face.  I am listening to the sound of three very happy, content, spirited, and sweet boys playing with their dad.  Most of the time I take advantage of the sweet sounds around me.  Having three boys is often times more excitement than I can maintain.  I often mistake their playful laughter, for out of control hyperactivity.  As mom's we have a BIG job.  BIG jobs are not easy, and require a lot of time, concern, attention, discernment, and patience.  Only God gives me the strength, sensitivity, attentiveness, authority, and gentleness I need to raise these "wonderful" rambunctious boys.  I fail more than I achieve!  The laughter I hear at this moment tell's me that my boys know they're loved and protected.  I will continue to seek God's wisdom in this journey raising my boys.  Although I know guilt will desire to set root in my heart for what I do wrong.  I will remember this spirit, this laughter, and this moment.  I will remember God's love and the blessing of laughter in our home.

Living Like a Nomad

Nomad : A member of a people or a tribe that has no permanent abode but moves about from place to place.

Lord today I feel like a nomad.  I am lonely, friendless, and homeless.  I am not homeless in the sense of not having a warm place to lay my head, but not knowing where to call home.  Where is home?  We live in Seoul much of the time, spend summers in Bloomington, IN, and currently on a 5 month stent in Boston.  I am not trying to come across as ungrateful.  I am truly grateful, I find joy in seeing new things, meeting new people, seeing how God is going to provide, and living a life of discovery.  Today, however, I feel homeless!  I find comfort in knowing my home away from home is in Heaven.  Today I long for Christ's love!  To feel his love so strong and pure that my temporary loneliness is washed away by a flood God's peace.  Philippians 4:11 "Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therefore to be content.  I desire your ways and not my own.  Help me to keep my focus on your plan, and not the plan I have for myself.  Although temporary loneliness is inevitable, permanent contentment is attainable!!!

Breath of Life

     Daniel Ashton Ridlon

My husband and two of my children are asthmatic.  We have experienced many times the urgency involved with the inability to breathe.  As human beings we take much for granted.  We ask God for an abundance of material items.  We desire a bigger house, nicer car, larger income and etc...  This past week my two year old son Daniel had an asthma attack due to pneumonia developing in his lungs.  The attack came on suddenly.  I rushed him to urgent care, where he was sent by ambulance to a Children's Hospital.  The fear I felt was real.   God softly placed a verse in my heart “And the LORD God formed man of the dust of the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a living being.” (Genesis 2:7 NKJV).  I felt peace in my heart as I recalled the countless times God has rescued me and my family members in the past.  God is the creator.  He breathed the "breath of life" into our nostrils.  

When we returned home we began the treatment leading to recovery.  The treatment was intense!  Daniel required antibiotics, steroids, countless breathing treatments, love, constant care, and prayer.  The spiritual realization from all of this became clear to me.  God is the breath of life.  We medicate spiritually through prayer, reading His word, attending church, Bible studies, and fellowship with fellow believers.  If we as believers fail to medicate spiritually we too will feel an inability to breathe.  Living life without God will be increasingly more difficult over time.  Our relationships suffer, our peace is diminished, we become agitated, short tempered, and often our physical health weakens.  I challenge you to stay focused on God.  If you have never received Jesus into your heart pray this prayer : "Dear Lord, I realize I am a sinner.  I have failed you and I repent of my sin.  Forgive me of my sin.  I give my heart to you this day.  Send your holy spirit to live inside my heart, to guide me the rest of my days.  Thank you Jesus, for dying for my sin, accepting me where I am, and loving me unconditionally.  Today medicate yourself spiritually!!!

That "Love Thy Neighbor" thing... I meant that.

It is never easy to hear truth's about your character flaws, and today was no exception.  God is patient with me and for this I am grateful.  Over the past 10 years I have been in a relationship struggle with two people I love dearly.  Today I realized my faults, and the consequences of them on my relationships.  In a counseling session God used Pastor Matt to speak words I desperately needed to hear.  I live my life to please God, and portray Christ's love to those I come in contact with.  However, I have failed to reach out to the two people I struggle with the most.  In the counseling session I made a comment from my heart, "If these people I love so dearly would give 1%, I will give everything within me to mend the relationship."  His words, "This is exactly the definition of the gospel, giving all love and acceptance even when others refute, condemn, and show no love.  Continue showing Christ's love, make it an exuberant focus to show Christ's love and acceptance.  This was Christ's way!!!   My very wise pastor stated Ephesian 4:2-6, "Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.  Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.  There is one body and one spirit - just as you were called to one hope when you were called - one Lord, one faith, one baptism; one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all."  The tears began to fall, and I realized my sin!  Due to my hurt, rejections, and pain I failed to extend Christ's love.  We are called to love all God's creation, and I failed to love my beloved.  Message:  Never focus on "being right" so tightly that you lose the ability to love in the process.  Losing the ability to love directly violates the word of God (Mathew 22:36 - 39 "Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the law?  Jesus replied:  "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.  This is the first and greatest commandment.  And the second is like it:  "Love your neighbor as yourself.")  I have spent a month praying, reading God's word, seeking wise counsel, and soul searching.  God will give the wisdom you desperately need, if you only ask.  (Luke 11:9 - "So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.  For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened."

"Cause When Your Fifteen and Somebody Tell's You They Love You, Your Gonna Believe Them"

Have you ever had a realization while doing the dishes?  Realizations often come to me while administering housework.  What a blessing, or I would never have any wisdom!  Tonight I was in the kitchen listening to Taylor Swift's song "Fifteen".  God uses words of songs to get my attention.  The song sent me down memory lane.  I would like to share my heart for a moment.

My husband and I met at the age of 15.   Looking back it seems like a miracle.  God's in the miracle business.  We met at Christian camp.  The first day we were given secret pals to write throughout the week.  The objective was to encourage, support, affirm, and compliment this person.  God made Robert my secret pal.  At this point there were no romantic feelings.  Of course I thought Robert was handsome, but I figured he was out of my league.  After camp several months later I received a friendly letter from Robert.  The knowledge that Robert remembered who I was made me feel special.

The next summer at camp, God was preparing to teach me His love in ways I had never known.  My prayer was that God would finally heal all the emptiness in my heart.  I prayed "Lord fill, heal, and restore my heart." God proved Himself faithful and true.  The week at camp my heart was broken, mended, and restored.  I love it when God answers your prayers, and then gives blessings beyond what you ever imagined.  Not only was God showing me His love, He was introducing me to my future husband.  I will never forget this one week in my life.  It was all powerful.  We left camp on Friday, and my heart was forever changed.  For the first time in my life I knew the meaning of agape (real) love!  My heart was filled to complete fullness.

God taught me the meaning of love at the precious age of 15.  Never take your focus off of God.  You never know what He has up His sleeve.

"Cause When Your Fifteen and Somebody Tell's You They Love You, Your Gonna Believe Them"!!!