That "Love Thy Neighbor" thing... I meant that.

It is never easy to hear truth's about your character flaws, and today was no exception.  God is patient with me and for this I am grateful.  Over the past 10 years I have been in a relationship struggle with two people I love dearly.  Today I realized my faults, and the consequences of them on my relationships.  In a counseling session God used Pastor Matt to speak words I desperately needed to hear.  I live my life to please God, and portray Christ's love to those I come in contact with.  However, I have failed to reach out to the two people I struggle with the most.  In the counseling session I made a comment from my heart, "If these people I love so dearly would give 1%, I will give everything within me to mend the relationship."  His words, "This is exactly the definition of the gospel, giving all love and acceptance even when others refute, condemn, and show no love.  Continue showing Christ's love, make it an exuberant focus to show Christ's love and acceptance.  This was Christ's way!!!   My very wise pastor stated Ephesian 4:2-6, "Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.  Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.  There is one body and one spirit - just as you were called to one hope when you were called - one Lord, one faith, one baptism; one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all."  The tears began to fall, and I realized my sin!  Due to my hurt, rejections, and pain I failed to extend Christ's love.  We are called to love all God's creation, and I failed to love my beloved.  Message:  Never focus on "being right" so tightly that you lose the ability to love in the process.  Losing the ability to love directly violates the word of God (Mathew 22:36 - 39 "Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the law?  Jesus replied:  "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.  This is the first and greatest commandment.  And the second is like it:  "Love your neighbor as yourself.")  I have spent a month praying, reading God's word, seeking wise counsel, and soul searching.  God will give the wisdom you desperately need, if you only ask.  (Luke 11:9 - "So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.  For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened."

"Cause When Your Fifteen and Somebody Tell's You They Love You, Your Gonna Believe Them"

Have you ever had a realization while doing the dishes?  Realizations often come to me while administering housework.  What a blessing, or I would never have any wisdom!  Tonight I was in the kitchen listening to Taylor Swift's song "Fifteen".  God uses words of songs to get my attention.  The song sent me down memory lane.  I would like to share my heart for a moment.

My husband and I met at the age of 15.   Looking back it seems like a miracle.  God's in the miracle business.  We met at Christian camp.  The first day we were given secret pals to write throughout the week.  The objective was to encourage, support, affirm, and compliment this person.  God made Robert my secret pal.  At this point there were no romantic feelings.  Of course I thought Robert was handsome, but I figured he was out of my league.  After camp several months later I received a friendly letter from Robert.  The knowledge that Robert remembered who I was made me feel special.

The next summer at camp, God was preparing to teach me His love in ways I had never known.  My prayer was that God would finally heal all the emptiness in my heart.  I prayed "Lord fill, heal, and restore my heart." God proved Himself faithful and true.  The week at camp my heart was broken, mended, and restored.  I love it when God answers your prayers, and then gives blessings beyond what you ever imagined.  Not only was God showing me His love, He was introducing me to my future husband.  I will never forget this one week in my life.  It was all powerful.  We left camp on Friday, and my heart was forever changed.  For the first time in my life I knew the meaning of agape (real) love!  My heart was filled to complete fullness.

God taught me the meaning of love at the precious age of 15.  Never take your focus off of God.  You never know what He has up His sleeve.

"Cause When Your Fifteen and Somebody Tell's You They Love You, Your Gonna Believe Them"!!!

"What if's?"

Today was the third day of taking care of a sick baby. I am amazed at the mothering instincts that kick in when your child is sick. Although my mind tells me it is the flu, the fever is manageable, and the child is well hydrated. My heart worries about the "What if's?" "What if's" are a mothers biggest fear. What should we mothers do when the "What if's" poke their big, ugly, and obtrusive nose into our mental process. I honestly don't have an answer. All I know is my child rearing requires constant prayer and evaluation. I am learning to evaluate everything according to God's word, and my relationship with Him.

Several years ago I went through a period of sleepless nights. Honestly I feel God allowed this time to teach me complete trust in Him. Over a period of several weeks I would find myself suddenly waking up and pondering the worst what if's. What if my loving husband, my best friend died and left me alone. What if something terrible happens to one of my children? I worried and fretted tremendously and endured many sleepless nights.   Night after night I worried, prayed, and cried. I went to each family member and put my hands on them and cried out to Jesus. At the time I was attending a Bible study and we discussed Abraham trusting in God and preparing for Isaac's sacrifice. Bing, Bang, Ba I got it!!! God was teaching me that He is all I need. The exact lesson He taught Abraham, He was lovingly teaching me. I felt God's inquiries spread across my heart. Crystal - If suddenly your husband and children were gone, would you still love and trust in me? Am I enough?  Your husband and children belong to me, you belong to me. Are you willing to relinquish control and place them in my care? The dam of my heart burst open and the tears flowed. I apologized to God and entrusted the lives of my beloved family into His care.

Today I still suffer from "What if's", but I have an endearing peace. The peace that comes from the knowledge that God is in control. The knowledge that if I lost everyone and everything I would still have everything in God my Father.

---- When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,

---- When sorrows like sea billows roll;
---- Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,
---- It is well, it is well, with my soul.

Survive With Fire

Over the past 10 years many things have become clear to me. I am and always will be a mother of all boys. Being the mom of 3 boys and a wife. I have acquired some wisdom in this journey of rearing up three wonderful boys and loving a great man.

My job : Survive with fire

Everyday I can allow the waters to wash away the fire, passion, and desire to succeed. I choose to keep the fire burning and flourishing. I desire to be a Godly wife and mother. A woman of passion, joy, and unique quality of life. Everyday is a new adventure, some more strenuous than others.

What matters: When the day comes to an end and all four boys are closing their eyes, did they see even a glimmer of my passion for the Lord. Every morning my intentions are good, my fire is burning strong. However, as life hands out the good, the bad, and the ugly, my fire weakens.  (2 Timothy 1:6 - For this reason I remind you to fan into flame the gift of God, which is in you through the laying on of my hands.  For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love, and of self-discipline.)

Goal: Keep the fire burning.